there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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