Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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