How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
