So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
