cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
