ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
