smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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