I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
