hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
