i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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