I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
