I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
