found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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