She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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