Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
