Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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