Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
