Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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