Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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