So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
