Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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