There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
