I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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