It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
