she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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