So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
