he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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