I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
