Already got asked if we're dating
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
