it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You can't just leave with hair like that
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
