yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
