you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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