your thong is hanging out like whoa
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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