people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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