nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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