It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
