I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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