Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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