It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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