I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
