Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
