I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
