Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
