sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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