I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
