if i can run in heels then i can drive
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
