Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Found the puke drawer
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
