Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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