Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
