made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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