I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
