I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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