Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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