The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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