i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
