Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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