We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
