and you said cock pushups were impossible
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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