I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
