I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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