I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
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Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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