We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
