I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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