I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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