i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
