That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
