Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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