talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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