i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
